Bismillah.
Babee it's been a looooonggg time since I joined a blog giveaway. But here we goooooo!
**click the picture to join**
**please bagi saya menang** wink wink*
Bismillah.
me with my cutest teddy bear bag >>>
At the start of our new semester, my friends and I accidentally went on a VERY VERY impromptu trip. Guess where? It's the one and only, PENANG.
It was sudden actually. I was chilling in my room on a Wednesday evening scrolling tiktok before Anas called me. She just said casually, "hey you wanna go to Penang? We can... I don't know, visit Nas and Intan maybe?"
Of course I had to say yes (I never said no to people). We've been to Perlis, Cameron Highlands, some parts of Kedah and a few places here and there in KL, but we've never been to Penang. It was Penang peeps. How could we never go there once during our whole 3 years of study?
So Yumna bought bus tickets for the five of us. The plan was, we'd hopped on the night Friday bus, then Nad and Intan (our friends who are doing internship) would come and pick us up. Stayed a night at Nad's expensive apartment, then spent the rest of the weekends playing tourist.
We did plan our itinerary though. But we're only humans (Alexa play Human by Christina Perri), and our planning didn't exactly go accordingly.
But it's okay, we had our fun and our utmost time there <3
So if you've never been to Penang, this blog post is dedicated FOR YOU.
1) Restoran Biru-biru
This restaurant is probably one of the most beach-y restaurant I've ever been to in my life. It was the best! From the food, the decorations, the interiors and the scenery... Everything is purrfecc.
The interior. This restaurant is located beside the beach so you can enjoy the calm breeze and salty air while enjoying your meals. And because we went there during weekend, the place was super packed. It was also hard to find a parking spot, so if you wanna go there, do plan in advance!
again, me with my cutest teddy!
The food was super scrumptious! We couldn't get enough of it. The price isn't that cheap, but it's affordable. Price range: RM15-30
Nasi lemak, aglio oilio (at least that's what i think), pizza, and drinks. I would recommend to try the aglio olio/pasta and the strawberry drink is super sweeeett!
2) Kampung Agong
Yall heard of Kampung Agong? No? Well neither did I.
Apparently this place was started by an individual, to which the kampung people called him 'Agong' due to his wealth and generosity. If you want a relax, cottage vibes, then this place is for you! The ticket price is RM10, and the place was so large you could get lost in it.
There are a lot of interiors and attractions which look as if they came out of early 2000s Malay movies. There are horses you can feed, musolla to pray, small shops for souvenirs, and they also sell food! So you don't have to worry of feeling thirsty or hungry. But oh well, the mineral water costs RM4 so I would advise to bring your own water!
the girl in the sarang burung
high staircases
the girl with the buaian
and of course, the drinks :)) Price range is between RM10-20
3) Jonker Street
I think this is a famous street almost every Malaysian knows. To give you a picture, it's where people walk and walk and walk. There are small shops along the streets, where you can buy flowers, phone charms, mini fans, ice creams, drinks, foods, or even batik. It's mostly the neighbourhood aesthetics it gives off that make the place so attractive.
That's all! Penang is such a wonderful state with the perfect balance of urban-ness and villages. I definitely recommend going here for a staycation or holiday trips <3. Till then, enjoy!
In the morning when I open my eyes,
No text messages, no assignments due,
No gatherings and no lunch date,
I find myself hunched back over the large teddy,
Wiping away the nonexistent tear,
Forcing myself to stay awake,
Whispering to my heart,
"It's okay, today is a different day".
At the corner of the room,
I look over the window,
There are couples giggling and holding hands,
Friends chattering their life updates,
Strangers, cycling or walking,
And my being trapped here in this room,
Wanting to go out but also not wanting to go,
Soul as dry as a laundry you dry under the sun,
Eyes empty as the Maggi cup you finished eating,
Heart as heavy as the weight of this land,
And I still watch people from the window of my room,
Hugging myself as the darkness swallow me whole.
I am but a flower,
Flower grows as bud and blooms before wilts,
I haven't grown anything I just wilt,
Flower breathes out sweet scents and radiant colours,
I don't and my life is a different hues of grey each day,
You give people flowers and they will smile,
You give people myself and they will walk away disgusted,
Flowers burnt if touched fire,
I burnt, but no fire to be seen,
Continuously, endlessly,
Falling to the ground,
Waiting for my time to turn to dirt.
I find no purpose in my living,
Daily life feels void and hard,
Nothing to look forward to,
No one cares if I am here or there,
No one cares if I live or die.
- my life as it has been in the recent time, 24/9/2023 -
Bismillah.
[A long overdue post]
How do I start this thing off eh, I wonder.
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. Mostly it's due to life doing its wonderful work of driving me to the edge of the cliff, had me in chokehold and push me off. I am in my early 20s, but God forbid me having an easy life. My mind couldn't recall the details of how it started, but I remember the feeling of helplessness washed over me every now and then. Even in times I reached out for help, it still hold onto me, like a baby who won't let go of his favourite toy. It comes to me in the morning when I wake up, and hug me at night until I sleep. If this feeling was a person, he'd be my jailer.
In my earlier days when I was a child, I was one what you could call a golden child. One who got perfect attendance at school not because her parents forced her but due to her own diligence. The one who would raise her hand at the speed of lightning to answer the multiplication questions on the whiteboard. The one who would, even break her neck just to argue with the teacher on some grammatical language disagreement. Yup, I kid you not. I did just that.
Because I love studying. Loved.
Studying and being in class and asking questions I don't know and solving maths equations were once my favourite thing to do. Mum told me I used to do a LOT of practice equations at home (aside from schoolwork). Can you imagine that was how I used to be? Oh God. I am laughing hard right now.
Now I find the slightest academical-related thing suffocates me.
How did it go to this?
I hate waking up in the morning, walking to class and listening to lectures and stuffs I don't even understand. It's hard to comprehend how I ended up like this. It's even harder to understand why it is so hard to actually understand all the subjects I took.
There's no counting how many times I've thought about death, really. Academics validation is what I crave, the only thing keeping me afloat and making me feel as if my existence on this planet actually matters. Like I am actually worth all these oxygens and space and time. But when my academics go downhill, with no A's and excellent results to prove it, my mind went berserk. My heart palpitating so wild. I got social anxiety. It feels like everywhere I go, people will look at me in disgust. When I talk to others, I get this these thoughts running in my mind. "Do they like me? Do they think I'm stupid? Do they know my grades? Do they know I always get low scores in test and exams? Do they think I don't deserve to talk to them?"
What if I stay quiet? What if I keep my head low until all I see is ground? Would they be okay? They would then be glad, wouldn't they?
What about my mum? Is she disappointed in me? What does she think of me? An ungrateful, stupid, stone-headed daughter who is struggling in her study? Would she be glad if I die?
No kidding, really. I've looked for places around my university campus; a nice abandoned place for me to die. I don't want a flashy death or people making fuss about it, because then people would realize my existence. I don't want people to talk "oh that girl who died, what is her grade?" "poor girl died because of her low grades.". I don't want people to even know I died. Let my existence cease to oblivion.
I thought the lake near the swamp would be nice. There aren't many people go there especially during the evenings. I could go in there, drown and people probably wouldn't even realize it until, like, 3 weeks. Maybe if my body got eaten by the fish and didn't float, no one would ever know I'm gone.
Sad? Nah, I think it's a good type of death.
But the lake was shallow. I tried go in there once, and it was real shallow.
In addition, to die means you need to have the courage. I gathered up all my courage in my bones, but still couldn't get this all over with.
I'm tired. I kept thinking I don't worth anything.
I knew I should've gotten some help so I tried talking to a counsellor. My university counsellor to be precise. She was wonderful and breathe some life back into me. But she went on maternal leave after that so I was left alone again.
"Try talking to your friends," people said that all the time.
You know how hard it is confiding in friends and family? To pour out all your insecurities and lay bare naked. And you can't even trust people. Trust me, I did that my whole life and what do I get in return? Betrayal. They will tell others your darkest secrets, though you literally pleaded them not to. They would call you names behind your back. But it wasn't their fault. It was your fault for believing in them. For being a fool.
I think this is it for now. Thanks for reading all the way down. I always felt it was better to talk to strangers than people I know.
