In the morning when I open my eyes,

No text messages, no assignments due, 

No gatherings and no lunch date,

I find myself hunched back over the large teddy,

Wiping away the nonexistent tear,

Forcing myself to stay awake,

Whispering to my heart,

"It's okay, today is a different day".

At the corner of the room,

I look over the window,

There are couples giggling and holding hands,

Friends chattering their life updates,

Strangers, cycling or walking,

And my being trapped here in this room,

Wanting to go out but also not wanting to go,

Soul as dry as a laundry you dry under the sun,

Eyes empty as the Maggi cup you finished eating,

Heart as heavy as the weight of this land,

And I still watch people from the window of my room,

Hugging myself as the darkness swallow me whole.

I am but a flower,

Flower grows as bud and blooms before wilts,

I haven't grown anything I just wilt,

Flower breathes out sweet scents and radiant colours,

I don't and my life is a different hues of grey each day,

You give people flowers and they will smile,

You give people myself and they will walk away disgusted,

Flowers burnt if touched fire,

I burnt, but no fire to be seen,

Continuously, endlessly,

Falling to the ground,

Waiting for my time to turn to dirt.

I find no purpose in my living,

Daily life feels void and hard,

Nothing to look forward to,

No one cares if I am here or there,

No one cares if I live or die.

    - my life as it has been in the recent time, 24/9/2023 -